Open Letter to the Federal Reserve

[copied and pasted from facebook, unedited]

Dear Fed,

I’m very sympathetic with the conundrum you face. Yes, I understand that most of your brainpower is devoted to rationalizing how none of this was your fault and you couldn’t have possibly known. After all, it’s the hallmark of our time…”I’m not responsible.”

I’m just a tiny businessman and only a few individuals rest their livelihoods on what I think and do. But way back in the fall of ’07, when you dropped that rate by .5%, I KNEW that all of this would happen. I try to keep anger away from myself, but I was nearly in a rage. At the time, THAT DAY, I called it “possibly the worst decision ever made by people in power in the entire history of mankind.” So this was all foreseeable, and what’s going to happen if you don’t sharpen up is likewise all foreseeable.

Okay, so fault and blame really don’t matter. All that matters now is what you decide to do going forward. You can’t change the damage done; none of us can change the past. But what you ought to do now is only too simple, so I’m sharing it with you.

All you can do is the best of all the alternatives, just as it is for the rest of us who are mired in the madness you helped to create.

So what is that best alternative? This is simple—NOTHING.

JUST STOP FOR CRISSAKES. You cannot and will not rule the world, your megalomaniacal fantasies notwithstanding. WE will have to work this out, AND WE WILL, if only you wild power-mongers stop interfering in our lives. We will work, we will produce, we will trade as we see fit and at some point down the road, we will have undone all the tragic damage you have created.

There’s always something overlooked, right? “Unintended consequences,” yes? That’s what got us here, after all. You thought those crazy Keynesian theories covered everything and yet every single time you went with them, something ELSE popped up that you didn’t expect. Just like now, just like always. The Broken Glass Fallacy, writ very very large.

So here’s what you’re overlooking now, and I speak as a small businessman caught in this morass like uncountable others. You see, for the first time in nearly a decade, CERTAINTY IS NEAR PEAK. Virtually everyone with a brain understands and certainty in the money is ALL WE NEED to move forward economically, to do what must be done. But every time you stick your rotten noses in the matter, certainty decreases and we can’t figure out what to do. We don’t know how much to invest, how much to pay, how much to charge. With the certainty–the KNOWLEDGE–that we have now, we CAN figure out what to do, and we will.

That’s all. Fly your asses to Hawaii for the rest of the winter if you wish. Enjoy yourselves. We already gave you that loot, so you might as well use it. There will be no grudges and there will be no retaliation for what you’ve done. That’s your world, not ours.

We move in one gear only, and that’s forward. I beseech you to let us…if not for our sake, then for yours. Did you notice? There’s a lot of anger fomenting out there, and not everyone is as graceful as we small businessmen. Hell, there’s even talk of rope futures. Get it?

So save yourselves and save us. Go the hell home and forget about it. You’ve got some paid days off coming. We’ll manage just fine and we’ll pull everyone along with us. Just like always.

I mean really, how the fuck dense are you? The man gave you the answer 335 years ago. Three and half centuries should be enough. Open up your ears and minds AND HEAR IT already…

“Laissez-nous faire.”